WEIRD

Children come with qualities, a nature.  Children act spontaneously according to their natures.  A child’s toy is taken and cries.  Another child’s toy is taken and  hits. Each child reacts, without thinking, according to the qualities it came with, reacts according to its nature.  You can also call their natures, instinct, predisposition, automatic response, or survival instinct.

Until a child is trained, it has no concept of right or wrong, good or bad.

A child growing up alone in a forest, jungle, desert, or by an ocean, reacts for survival according to its environment.

When I was young, I thought everything I saw was mine to do with as I pleased.  I was the boss of soil, rocks, and plants, but the animals didn’t think so.  The animals and I fought.  So far I’ve been winning, but not without a few scars.

I watched two squirrels play.  They gathered nuts and ate, and then the one squirrel had baby squirrels, and I thought, everything I see came out of the Earth, the soil, so I concluded, everything is made of little particles of sand, like the sand near the ocean.  So I called myself a sandman.  I also realized me and everything else are made of the same thing, and we are each trying to survive being what we are, being what the sand became, people, rocks, mountains, plants and animals.

A time came when I didn’t have to gather food.  It just appeared in front of me, even animals just fell dead all around me, and wherever I went, and the weather was mild, so mild I slept outside my shelter.  It lasted many moons.  I was bored.  I felt no excitement.  Life stopped being an adventure.  No more challenges, no risk, no danger.  I was really happy when it ended and I had to hunt again.

I wondered about my feelings, the feeling of bored and the feeling of excitement.  The feeling of boredom felt bad.  The feeling of excitement felt good.  Strange, I thought.  How come I felt good killing and eating plants and animals.  We are all made of the same thing, sand.  It felt like I was eating part of myself.  One time I killed a lot of animals to store food, but they started to stink.  So now I only kill as needed (except one time) I killed to hang antlers on my shelter, and I let the meat rot.  I don’t know why, but killing for antlers didn’t feel good.  I still wonder how come I get feelings of good and feelings of bad.  What are feelings?  I also want to know how come there is an Earth, and why is it the way it is.

So far, I figure, that since I have feelings, so does the Earth I came out of.  I think the Earth does what feels good to it, maybe even to survive, which is what I do too, just like the other animals.

Everything that is made of sand particles, gets old and dies, and returns to sand particles.  But it seems that sand doesn’t get old, doesn’t die.  I wonder about that.  I wonder about what is going on.  Why are things the way they are?  All I can come up with is things are the way they are because of feelings, all the feelings.  Why do I think that?  Because I do things for feelings.  Yes, I kill to survive, and surviving feels good, so really I do things to feel, feelings, like peace, contentment, happiness, joy, to feel excited. I also like the feelings of danger, risking my life to live.  WEIRD.  To me, it seems life is just playing a game with itself, being every person, place, and thing.  Maybe life just divided itself up for the fun of it, for adventure, challenge, risk, does things for the feeling of pleasure.  Maybe life was just BORED.