column for facebook: out of your mind

Congratulations.  You now realize earth is a theme park like Disney Land.  You entered when young and will go home when old or whenever your ticket gets punched. If you’re a kid, you’ll enjoy it, but might throw a tantrum when told it’s time to go home (kids can be so contrary–and so entertaining...until teenagers when they know everything and are hilarious).

The theme park is a wild place, and anything can happen at anytime, which is why it’s also called, Adventure World, Death World, and Psycho Ward World (“Oh look, a squirrel”).

No one knows for sure who built the theme park, but people play guessy games trying to figure it out.  Playing guessy games is a major part of the adventure in the theme park, which is why there are so many guessy theologies and “My religion is the only true one and the other two thousand cause gas.”  

Since you now realize you’re in a theme park for a brief time, you’ll automatically no longer be so serious and will enjoy it all unless of course you still believe the bullshit your mind was fed from the moment you were ejected from your prenatal escape pod (you have to be out of your mind to enjoy all that is life).
 

AUGUST COLUM FACE BOOK, WILD RIDE ON EARTH 2ND COLUMN

 If you want a ride on the wild side of life, go to earth, get yourself a human avatar (ya gotta get born) and hold on, ‘cause you are gonna have the adventure of your life.  I might mention, youse gottsa die or get killed to get out alive.  Oh...and you won’t remember who or what you really are.  That’s the icing on the cake that makes it a real adventure ‘cause you’ll think yer actually only human.  Weird, right?

And if you want a certain kind of adventure, say a religious one, or be a plumber, soldier, husband, wife, or even identify as a giraffe, the earth adventure is your huckleberry.

I’ve been there a dozen times or more.  I could check to see how many times, but I don’t care.  I only go there when I want to enjoy holiday-hell for a few years.

Sometimes I choose the “Who knows what your gonna experience” adventure.  Yeah, it’s the wildest one of all, except if you end up a rock.  Booooooring.

One adventure I had was being a zillionaire.  I don’t know why I chose it, it’s not like we lack anything here.  By the way, yesterday, Ed wanted to ride on a comet.  He thought it would be quick.  Ha...he’s out there in space heading to who knows what galaxy.  Martha figures he won’t be back for dinner.

Oh...and just so you know, don’t go to earth during golden years, nothing happens, no war, hardly any crime, all the food you want, all everything you want, hell, there’s hardly any paper cuts, it’s like you never left home.  

The best time to go to earth is during an age of Kali Yuga (talk about demons...WOW!!) the age of darkness, the age of vice and misery, or the age of quarrel and hypocrisy, the age when all human constructs get flucked up and everything they built and depended on and planned for blows up in their faces.  Think of billions of humans living a fun life, and then (slowly at first, and then speeding up like crazy towards the end) it all turns to shit.  Go then, it’s the wackiest ride ever.  Well...until next time...”Hey, speaking of next time, let’s go as monkeys.  I hear that in China, they eat monkey brains while the monkey is still alive (though it’s illegal at times).  I can feel it now: “Ouch, hey, you’re supposed to eat the Cerebellum last.  It’s the tastiest part.”






 

DAILY COLUMN FOR FACEBOOK - THE VISITOR AND OTHER COLUMNS STARTING AUG 2023

 THE VISITOR
    Chapter One

I was sitting on a beach watching the sunrise when out of ocean mist and walking on foaming seas appeared a translucent human.  He stepped onto the beach, tripped and crashed face down in the sand.  Defying gravity he levitated from his prone position and pivoted upright mid air, laughing.  Unruffled, he settled to earth, firmly planted his sandaled feet on the beach,  brushed sand from his shaggy white hair and beard and jiggled his body like a wet dog.

I sat there, frozen in place, mouth wide open, eyebrows raised, and could feel the whites of my eyes exposed.   I was in shock, unbelieving that there was a Walmart tag still attached to his sandals.

He sauntered towards me like a man without a care in the universe.  When he was within spitting distance, he stopped,  flopped down in front of me, crossed his legs, adjusted his shimmering white robe, and said, “Hi, Tom, want to have some fun?”

I looked around me to make sure no one was watching, got up and tackled him.  We rolled around in the sand, ran out of breath and settled down, and I said, “You’re late, Nemesis.”

“Late?  You really said, ‘late’, seriously?”

“Just testing you,” I said.

“Good.  I thought maybe you had reverted to your pudding-headed way of thinking. Come on, let’s go for a walk on the beach and see whose minds  we can screw with.”