IT’S BECOMING WEIRDER AND WEIRDER BEING IN A BODY. DAMN IT HAS A LOT OF NEEDS, WANTS, AND DESIRES. AND THEN THERE’S THE BODY’S MIND WITH IT’S WACKADOODLE JUDGMENTS, BELIEFS, AND OPINIONS, NOT TO MENTION THE EMOTIONS THOUGHTS SPARK. THANKFULLY, BEING IN A CARTOON IS A TEMPORARY CONDITION.
I RECALL WHEN I WAS VERY YOUNG SAYING TO MYSELF, “WHAT THE HELL AM I TRAPPED IN, AND WHAT’S THAT SMELL?” AND THEN I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THOSE QUESTIONS FOR FIFTY YEARS WHEN I REALIZED MY CAR HAD BECOME A JALOPY. EVERY TIME I GO TO SLEEP I’M KIND OF SURPRISED WHEN I WAKE UP AND I’M STILL HERE. PHYSICAL LIFE IS BECOMING MORE SURREAL EACH PASSING DAY.
MY BODY IS SEVENTY-SEVEN YEARS OLD, AND IT FEELS LIKE I’M DRAGGING AN ANCHOR UP A HILL FOR NO REASON, HOWEVER, MY MIND IS ALL IN TO DO IT FOR ANOTHER TEN YEARS JUST TO SHOW IT, “I WIN!” WHY? BECAUSE I ALWAYS WIN. ANYWAY, IT’S HILARIOUS HOW I CONTORT THIS BODY JUST TO CLIP MY TOE NAILS AND PUT ON SOCKS (OH WAIT, I DON’T DO SOCKS ANYMORE).
THOUGH I AM LOOKING OUT OF A WRINKLED BODY, I’M THE SAME AGE INSIDE AS WHEN MY BODY HIT LEGAL DRINKING AGE. BASICALLY I AM A TWENTY-ONE YEAR OLD WONDERING WHERE I PUT MY DENTURES BEFORE I FELL ASLEEP.
CURRENTLY, AS ALWAYS, AND JUST IN CASE I’M NEVER THIS OLD AGAIN, I AM HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE. I DON’T WANT TO MISS A SINGLE MOMENT DRIVING THIS OLD JALOPY. THINK OF ALL THE FOLKS WHO NEVER GET THAT OPPORTUNITY. SOME CALL THEM LUCKY BASTARDS. I CALL THEM WINE THAT NEVER GOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE EXPENSIVE.
MOST OF MY DAYS NOW ARE SPENT JUMPING IN AND OUT OF MY JALOPY IN PREPARATION FOR THE INEVITABLE FINALLY. I LIKE FEELING AT HOME IN BOTH PLACES. IT’S LIKE, “WELCOME HOME, BUT NOT YET, YOU GOOFY BASTARD.” I WANT TO HIT THE OTHER SIDE RUNNING, NOT, “WHERE THE HELL AM I?” I ALREADY EXPERIENCED THAT WHEN I GOT JETTISONED OUT OF MY MOM’S ESCAPE POD.
AT THIS POINT, IF YOU’RE SO INCLINED, YOU MIGHT ASK, “WHAT’S THE DEATH SIDE OF LIFE LIKE?” WELL YOU AIN’T DEAD (WHICH MAY NOT BE GOOD NEWS FOR THOSE THAT HAD THEIR HOPES UP).
THE DEATH SIDE OF LIFE IS WHATEVER YOU WANT IT TO BE, WELL, THAT IS, UNLESS WHEN YOU DIE, YOU’RE NOT AWAKE. NOT BEING AWAKE MEANS, YOU DIED BEFORE YOU EXPERIENCED WHAT YOU REALLY ARE. IT MEANS YOU DIED AND SHOWED UP ON THE OTHER SIDE THINKING YOU’RE STILL A HUMAN WITH THE SAME PERSONALITY YOU HAD WHEN NOT DEAD, A PERSONA THAT OBVIOUSLY HATES POLITICIANS, SCAM ARTISTS, TELEMARKETERS, INSURANCE BROKERS, LAWYERS AND USED CAR SALESMEN (BUT THEN I REPEAT MYSELF).
