THE BOOK OF NEMESIS

THE BOOK OF NEMESIS

CHAPTER ONE

When I was young my mom said stop running on the ice.   
“Why?”  I asked.  
“You’ll get hurt,” she said.  
“OK. I will stop,” I said.    
Then I heard inside my head, “It’s OK to run, you won’t get hurt.”
“Who said that?”  I yelled. “Who is telling me to disobey my mom?”  
“It’s me, your mind.”  
“Who are you?”  
“I’m you.”  
“No your not, I am me, and I am going to obey my mom.”  
“Then I will bug you.”  
“Who are you?  What are you?  Go away!”
“The question is, who are you?”
“I am me, that’s who,” I said.
“If I am not you, who am I?  What am I?”
“I don’t know, but you’re not me.”
“You really don’t know who or what you are, or what I am, do you?”
“I am me, and I don’t know who you are?”
“What does ‘me’ mean?” asked Who.
“Me, my body.  Me, Tom.  The real question isn’t about what I am.  The real question is, what or who are you?  Who is talking to me in my head?  Who is telling me to not obey my mom?  Do you know who you are?  If so, tell me.”

THE QUESTION ISN’T, WHO AM I.  The question is, who is bugging me?  Who keeps thinking when I want to sleep.  Who torments me with unsolvable problems?  

I say, “I want this, I need this; I desire this; I am hungry; I am tired.”  All that is me thinking those thoughts.  Then I hear a thought coming out of nowhere and it says, “You’re a loser.  You’ll never get what you need, want, desire.”  
What’s with those thoughts?  I come right back and say, “Yes I will get what I need, want, and desire.”  And then I ask, “Who the hell are YOU?”  But all I hear is silence.
I have now trained myself to not need, want, and desire.  I have trained myself to receive all things with thankfulness, and to not chase, but just do what is in front of me the best I can for the joy of doing the best I can, and I receive all outcomes with thankfulness because I have no way life must go, but then these crazy thoughts yell at me for being that way.  Who is yelling at me?
“Hi.  My name is Who, how do you do?”
“I do fine.  I am OK because I ignore your negative bullshit,” I said.
“Yeah, but you do some of the things I like,” said Who.
“Again, who are you?”
“I told you, I’m Who.”
“That doesn’t tell me much.  Why do you try to bug me?  Why do you spout so much negativity?  What’s all that about?  You know I’m listening to you less and less.  When I hear you I just relax, release, let go.  Now when I hear you, I am entertained by your personal problems.  How come you have so many?  You’re always concerned, worried, afraid, and so needy.  It’s hilarious, really, it is very entertaining.  And again, who are you?”
“OK, humans call me ego, but I am way more than that.  I am the sum of all your genetic inheritance clear down from the dawn of humankind.  You can say I am your inherited genetic memory. I am ancient.  I am not just in your mind.  I am in every cell of your body.  I am your body, mind and emotions.  Some call me the natural man.”
“Well, thank you, I said.  Nice to meet you.  Now I know who you are.  You’re a history of creation.”
“Yes.  And you still don’t know who you are,” said Who.  
“Would you mind if I call you Nem.  It’s short for Natural Earth Man.  Will that be OK?”  I asked.
“Whatever, go for it,” said Nem.
“You know that Nem, backwards spells men, right?”  I said.
“Yes.  Nem works, but Nemesis works better,” said Nem, “and now that you know who I am, would you like to know what you are?”
“Yes, definitely,” I said, but I don’t want beliefs.  I want experiential truths, experience the truth, and no tall tales, no dogma, no theologies, philosophies, and no theories.  If I can’t experience it, I still won’t know.  Will that work for you?”
“Yes.  Let’s begin, said Nemesis.”

CHAPTER TWO