WITHOUT MY AVATAR

 Without my avatar, I am consciousness with memory.  

I can’t do things myself.  I need an avatar to do things.  

I connected to an avatar.  When that happened I lost my memories, but have thr qualities, and characteristics previously gained.

From birth my avatar was programmed by its parent’s avatars with their current information.  I asked questions, got answers, but had no way to judge the information, I merely accepted it, believed it.

I analyzed my avatar.  It is a genetic reproduction.  It came with physical and intellectual capabilities,  and emotional qualities. It came genetically programmed for survival,  with instincts, with genetic memories.  It has needs, and developed wants, and evolved desires.  It gets attached, entangled, and identified–physically, mentally, emotionally–with its needs, wants, desires, and with people, places, and things.  I have to deal with all its attributes as it engages its environment.   If it gets physically, intellectually, or emotionally damaged, disabled, or old, I have to deal with its incapacities.

It was a long time before I realized I am not this avatar I am connected to.   That’s when my language changed regarding it.  Instead of saying “I am Joe,” I say, “My avatar was named, Joe by its avatar parents.”  Instead of saying, “I am cold, hot, hungry, or, have to go to the bathroom,” I say, “My avatar is cold, hot, hungry, has to go to the bathroom.”

After I realized I am not this avatar, I asked, “What am I?”

For now, I use the word consciousness, to define what I am.  Probably words like awareness, observer, intelligence work as well.

I can think, remember, imagine, but physically I can do nothing without this avatar.

If my avatar’s intellect were to be injured, it would no longer be able to fully and accurately utilize my transmissions to it.  It would be useless, like as if dead, and then I would have to connect to a new avatar.

When I am silent, choosing not to interact with this avatar, I can disconnect from it, and there I am, no longer feeling its environment.  I need the avatar to feel things.  Without the avatar I am back to what I am, consciousness.

The interaction with this avatar blurs the lines of who is experiencing what.  I do not precise language to describe it.  If I direct it to try something and it gets hurt, it feels the pain.   I do not.  I might think, “Shit!  That was a dumb idea.  Now my avatar is suffering.”  I don’t always treat my avatar for its own well being.  Sometimes I test  its limits, like a race car, or an all terrain vehicle.  I should be nicer to my avatar, take better care of it, after all, it’s the only one I get for this adventure.

There are times I wonder about my discretion.  Why did I connect to THIS avatar in THIS environment, at THIS time in the evolution of THIS reality?  If I had a butt, I’d probably kick myself.  On the other hand (which I don’t have either) it’s been one hell of a ride, at least from my perspective.  I’m not sure this avatar would agree, though its had plenty of good times.