Are you in charge of you

Are you in charge of you, or is your body, mind, emotions in charge of you?  Does your body, mind, emotions order you around, have expectations, needs, wants, desires, demand your obedience, bug the shit out of you trying to get you to give in to its wackiness?  

I left my body on the beach.  It was napping, so exited stage left.  I went and sat on a lounge chair and kept looking at it.  Once I experienced that I am not a body, a mind, and not emotions, it became easier and easier to leave them somewhere and go elsewhere.

At conception, a bunch of atoms that are trapped in two memory chips fuse together and are fed by the host mom.  The mom keeps eating and nine months later a whole lot of atoms enter the world as a human baby body.  After birth, the host mom keeps feeding the baby.  The baby grows and becomes an independent autonomous self-aware biological robot named Tom.

Tom keeps growing and learning about itself and the world it got popped into.  Tom was groomed, taught and indoctrinated.  He was introduced to religion, metaphysics, theories, theologies, and dumped them all.  He didn’t want concepts.  He wanted experiences, not other’s experiences.  He wanted to know how things work.  He wanted to know how he works, what capabilities he has, what he can do.  After discarding certain concepts, like, “You are not your body, mind, emotions.  You are consciousness, awareness, observer, have a soul, spirit, are an energy body that lives after your physical body dies, and so on and so forth,” he was left with a clear, unpolluted, unsullied mind, empty of all programming, all beliefs.

Tom was aware that his mind was capable of being aware of its own thoughts, and then quickly realized that language and words manipulated his thinking, that language itself was a program that kept him trapped in a cycle of confusion.  For example, when he thought or said, “I can observe my mind thinking, calculating, evaluating, comparing and contrasting,” he realized that just thinking those thoughts created confusion, and then he asked,  Who or what is this “I” that is aware it is thinking?”  Language and words created separation, created a persona, entity, something that was an observer, or awareness that wasn’t even real, just words.

So Tom stopped thinking.  One day he noticed his awareness was way above where it usually was.  He was sitting in a car and became aware that he was observing himself and the car from way above his car.  As soon as he had that awareness, his awareness slammed back to its usual size.  Another time he found himself being aware in space, and noted that he was there without a body, just a thinker, or awareness, and upon that realization slammed back into his physical body.  “OK, what’s to learn from that?”  He asked himself.

After that Tom practiced sending his consciousness to different locations outside of his body, merely feet away, like sitting in a chair across a room and watching his body.  Sometimes he would send it to the top of a roof and watch traffic.  What he found curious is that he could only imagine things he already knew.  “So what is imagination?”  He asked himself.  “Imagination, dreams, vivid dreams, seems real enough,” he thought.  “Sure seems physical.”

Since Tom could not recall being alive before he was alive, those things he experienced must obviously be connected to his physical body’s abilities.  And of course, since he was made of atoms, of energy, like everything else, he realized he didn’t know shit, except he was energy-in-the-form-of-a-human.  That his body, mind, emotions, dreams, imagination was all just energy, which means, he was energy being aware of itself in form, so he proclaimed to himself, “I am energy, currently just intelligent enough to notice that I am in a temporary energy-form shaped like a human.  So now what, now that I know I am energy and can morph into whatever this physical energy-mind that I am currently “pretending” to be, is able to conceive, envision, imagine?”  All Tom sees now is one energy in various forms, just energy being temporarily people, places, things, one energy intelligence having trillions of experiences at the same time, so Tom concluded, he doesn’t really exist except as an image in the imagination of the one energy-intelligence that is the prana that is life itself.  Tom said, “I only think an “I” exists because the mind/brain of this body thinks so, and since it is probably having a good time, I will continue to have a good time.”