It’s time to show the world just how big of a pain in the ass you can be when life doesn’t go your way. Do not let people who disagree with your perspective be at peace, happy and joyful. Make them pay. Make them regret that you were ever born. Make them repent that they ever befriended, dated, or married you. This is your life. Give ‘em hell. Make their lives miserable. RELEASE THE CRYBABY!
Never be at peace, when life doesn’t go your way. Never let your mind accept reality. Don’t do it. Don’t be nuts. Drive them nuts. Use your weapons: pout, sulk, bitch and moan. Get irritated, upset and angry Show them just how unpleasant you can make their lives if they share logic and reason that doesn’t jive with your opinions, biases, prejudices, belief, and conclusions. Use the weapon you used when you were a two-year old (by now it should be perfected) throw a tantrum, roll on the floor, gyrate your body, flail your legs and arms, yell, scream, swear like a sailor, and then get up and throw things. To put the icing on the cake, use your ultimate weapon: yell at them, “You don’t care, like or love me!” and then huff and puff and storm away while throwing them dirty looks. Never undervalue the destructive power of THE CRYBABY.
1. Crybaby Anonymous is here to yelp. There are seven billion nonmembers. Meetings are every third Monday of each week. You can freely yell, “LIFE IS NOT FAIR!” and no one will care. The main topic at Crybaby Anonymous is, Things That Suck. Sub topics include all people, some places, all spouse, ex-spouse, roommates, ex roommates, dates, jobs, school, teachers, restaurants, government, and of course, weather, mother-in-laws, and teenagers. Other suck subjects include (but not limited to) accidents, illness, disease, disability, and paper cuts. And finally, wrinkles, sagging boobs, weird hair growths, false teeth, old age and death will be cried about. Trophies will go to the complainer and whiner with the saddest story, reddest eyes or whoever brought the most Kleenex. All meetings are video taped for your pleasure in case of Alzheimer, dementia, or death.
2. Who invented Crybabies? Parents and society programmed their dropplings to sound like bummed-out snowflakes melting over an open fire. From birth, parents reacted to their little shit-makers midnight, shrieking by asking, “Remind me why we had this kid?” and then, thereafter, they continued to program their little puke-spewers to be forever after crybabies by catering to their every discomfort, and then, under penalty of law, they were forced to endure them and suffer them until their glorious release from parental prison when their kids finally turned forty-five and were forced to move out of their bedroom (which their parents immediately turned into indoor swimming pools filled with sharks and no warning signs).
3. The Details: What follows is scientifically backed, ‘pee’ reviewed, and absolutely confirmed conjecture about why you might be a crybaby: When you were a baby you screamed when you got physically uncomfortable and someone cared for you so you’d be comfortable and shut-up. As a child you cried when you got emotionally uncomfortable and someone indulged you so you’d be satisfied and shut-up. As a youth you belly-ached when you got mentally uncomfortable and someone counseled you so you’d feel gratified and shut-up. As a teenager you complained when you got spiritually uncomfortable and someone guided you so you’d feel at peace and shut-up. And now as an adult you cry, scream, belly-ache and complain when life doesn’t cater to your every nonsensical, ludicrous and silly need, want and desire and everyone wishes you’d shut-up.
4. Life doesn’t care if you cry, scream, belly-ache, complain or go nuts. Life is neutral; life is impersonal; life is unbiased and life doesn’t care what you think it is, or what you think it should be, or what you think it should do. If you are still a crybaby it is because your conditioning, programming, indoctrination, propaganda and brainwashing from youth were excellent. It can be summed up in this: , Most adults will not depart from the bullshit they were fed when young. Which means most humans will not remove their programs of unrealistic and irrational expectations of what life should be and reprogram themselves to accept life for what it actually is, which ultimately means they will live and die the way they were born, a crybaby when life doesn’t go their way.
5. You can tell you’re in the presence of a crybaby when you hear its mantra, “Hey...I’m here. Let’s talk about me, about my life. I have needs, wants and desires that need your attention, and I didn’t come here to hear you babble about your inconsequential life.”
6. The most common sound of the crybaby species in the wild is, “LIFE ISN’T FAIR AND YOU ALL SUCK!”
7. Crybaby Disease: Life-is-life, the rest is listening to humans cry about it. Many humans have Crybaby Disease. The symptoms: They freak-out when they went north and life went south–shit didn’t go their mind’s way. The cure: Accept that life will not always go your mind’s way. HOW? Don’t kick a flat tire. Don’t give a flat tire your energy–no thoughts, no emotions. Don’t get angry. Just fix the freaking tire instead of freaking-out and kicking the freaking tire. Kicking the tire only makes it mad, which makes you as mad as a hatter.
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